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Feeling Good 2​.​0

by All Blood

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1.
Our temperatures spike in the evening it melts me from 6 feet away but carefully we cover this warmth up from this virus that now rules the day nothing is lovely, nothing is worthy everything must now become chaste a microbial god who plunders our bods leaves love in a pile of waste could you really see me can you even feel me did i think this thought or did it think me did i really love you yes i know it must have been true blood cells birthed in the presence of flu social distance, unravel existence (tug and tear and strip it bare) social distance, unravel existence (drill for the heart that's under the layers) do you think the entire world's ending if so then let's shelter in place the enemy's omnipresent and it knows neither mercy nor grace everything's thriving, everything's dying nothing will blot out this truth a microbial god sets the fuse to the bomb as we watch our entire lives poof could you really feel me can you even see me did i think this thought or did it think me did i really love you yes i know it must have been true blood cells birthed in the presence of flu social distance, unravel existence (tug and tear and strip it bare) social distance, unravel existence (drill for the heart that's under the layers) I feel so filthy I feel so dirty I haven't showered in 6 whole days I feel so filthy I feel so dirty I haven't showered in 10 whole days I feel so filthy I feel so dirty I haven't showered in 14 whole days I feel so good I feel so bad when i think about you in this way
2.
Who are my friends? I wish they'd show up to my door I won't let them in I forgot to sweep and mop the floor Is it a problem? You caught me sobbing caught me confiding i'm always hiding my rooms so tidy why don't you try me? why don't you find me? you only spy me we all must find our super friends we all must have some super friends and have them bring about it and have them bring about our end who are my friends? I wish they'd shower me in praise I'd soak it in and turn it all into malaise Is it a problem? You caught me sobbing caught me confiding i'm always hiding my rooms so tidy why don't you try me? why don't you find me? you only spy me if they don't come to cut me into pieces if they don't come to carry me away if they don't tear small bits off of my corners and come and sweep away all the dirt all the dust all the dirt all the rust all the hurt all i want is all i need is all i want is more and more super friends!
3.
aerosol spray wash it away first the fresh air in the lungs then the fresh air in the blood then the fresh air in the heart then the warm blood to the arms to hold on to whatever piece of mind we can find to hold on to whatever piece of home can define what we are or what we were or what we could ever really hope to ever be these stupid little greedy human thoughts start overtaking me aerosol spray wash it away (gas through the cracks) collecting dirt and dust in the filter of acceptable dreams and memories a gallery of faces and voices I knew blend as long lost friends and enemies wiping off the windows wiping off the mirrors confronted with an ugly truth the only thing keeping you from me is me keeping me from you and I'm done hesitating just waiting here suffocating fresh air surrounding to hold on to whatever piece of mind we can find to hold on to whatever piece of home can define what we are or what we were or what we could ever really hope to ever be these stupid little greedy human thoughts start overtaking me and I am afraid
4.
Red Herring 03:44
Red herring i was running round in circles red herring just for the thought just for an ideal that i miss give me a wink and blow a kiss letting me go red herring i was jumping over hurdles red herring just for the chance just for a shot i always miss give me a wink and blow a kiss letting me know I don't know if i will never maybe ever feel good again I don't know if I can ever ever ever feel good again Red herring you came tapping on my shoulder red herring just for the twist, pain in my neck and down my back now i can't get me any slack letting me go red herring i hear the skipping in my heartbeat red herring how can it be real why can't it be real at all? I don't know if i will never maybe ever feel good again I don't know if I can ever ever ever feel good again turn the spotlight on your shadow runs through my fingers and off my tongue red herring i felt the skipping of my heartbeat red herring if i could see your face one more time but i have to serve my time cause i did the crime the crime the crime the crime
5.
Slackjawed 03:03
I love you you feel the same I hold you close and then we touch the flame Yes I know I love you so Evidence is in my slacked jaw I love you you love me too I hold you tight until we both turn blue Yes I know I love you so Evidence is in my slacked jaw (open mic night poem failure) I love you you love me back I hold you near and then we fade to black Yes I know I love you so Evidence is in my slacked jaw I love you you read my texts you start to pack and then I act perplexed Yes I know I love you so Evidence is in my slacked jaw Me love you me do me love you it true (I love you and you loved me and I loved you and you loved me and) Yes I know I love you so evidence is in my breaking heart Yes I know I loved you so evidence is in my regretful heart Yes I know I loved you so Evidence is in my slacked jaw
6.
hands used to feel so warm eyes used to look so kind in Babylon a bad night moonshine laughs used to come right out shade used to creep so fine in Babylon a bad night moonshine carry me carry me carry me a bad night moonshine feet used to burn a path hearts used to beat in time in Babylon a bad night moonshine things they were understand time used to be all mine in Babylon a bad night moonshine carry me carry me carry me through a bad night moonshine magic gets drained out of the world the dreams are limp the limbs are curled silent trumpets keep banners furled and i scream no tongue, no tongue, no tongue can speak this truth hands used to feel so warm eyes used to look so kind in Babylon a bad night moonshine laughs used to come right out shade used to creep so fine in Babylon a bad night moonshine
7.
dear, I swear that I'll make it home to you I've driven all night on coffee and fumes From here I can see our little world below From this cliff side, I can see in your window Punching the wheel, hitting the gas Taking this turn on Devil's Pass From this peak God must be judging all life On hairpin turns I try to perform a jackknife I I I can't see through this blizzard I I I can't see through my blinding rage
8.
I don't feel well and I hear voices rising up from hell I'm on my knees I start to yell out for more safety please I'm feeling sick and i feel forces in my blood run thick I cross my heart Miserere mei Deus, mei Deus We must exalt him, exalt him on high or else he shoots lightning bolts right out of the sky (we must praise him x 4) We must exalt him, exalt him on high or else he rains fists, fists right from the sky (we must praise him x 4) I don't feel good and I hear rattling come from my hood I'm on my knees I start to pray our for more mercy please I'm feeling pains and I feel shivers running through my veins I cross my heart Miserere mei Deus, mei Deus We must exalt him, exalt him on high or else he shoots lightning bolts right out of the sky (we must praise him x 4) We must exalt him, exalt him on high or else he rains fists, fists right from the sky (we must praise him x 4) Oh my God here I am again begging you please Spare my tiny pathetic life oh if you please I am small made of meat and you're big made of bombs I'm so tiny made of meat and you're huge made out of bombs God of love or fear or whatever let me live! God of love or fear or whatever let me swim! Oh my god oh my god oh my god I feel ill I have a case of the willies the sillies and the chills Oh my god Oh my god my saliva's getting thick oh my god oh my god oh my god I think I'm gonna be sick
9.
back when there was hope everything was magical, mysterious boundless and full of wonder back when there was hope everything was fun and lackadaisical adventurous with worlds left to explore but now we wallow in the slop waiting for the sword to drop dreaming dreaming of youth long gone back when there was hope everything was bright but comprehensible shining through and full of novelty back when there was hope everything was open, unpredictable blooming and full of glory but now we wallow in the slop waiting for the sword to drop I've been stuck in Pallet Town x 4 back when there was hope everything was magical, mysterious infinite tides of potential back when there was hope we could have been heroes heroes! look at us now back when there was hope I didn't feel so burnt out I didn't feel so washed out at all
10.
quick and deliberate the arrows pierce the creature's hide it's crying out in anguish as hunger fills our minds praise the gods for this mighty feast of triumphant everything oh just to keep you here in our sights ready, fire sharp and deliberate the knives carve bits out of the flesh happy tongues move clumsy over gristle and bone praise the gods for this mighty feast of triumphant everything oh just to keep you here in our sights ready, fire we will make your life ours (I'm so hungry and tired) ((I don't want to, I don't want to die))
11.
We're not reinventing wheels we're just pushing them up our hill day by day and day by day we're not pushing the envelope Nihil sub sole novum, sub sole novum, nihil nihil What can be said to you that hasn't been said before? You ask me for me ceiling and keep me tied to the floor Believe and achieve and bleed it out for more some are here to take their fill, the rest of us to pour We're not reinventing wheels we're just pushing them up our hill day by day and day by day we're not pushing the envelope Nihil sub sole novum, sub sole novum, nihil nihil What can be done for you that hasn't already been done? Merit is measured out in stress, freedom under the gun Achieve and believe in all the architects of fun and shamble round their rotting towns beneath a dying sun Store your hopes inside future museums ghosts of past possessing beg receive them scorch the earth then seek relief to grease the gears of pain and grief then burn baby burn baby burn We're not reinventing wheels we're just pushing them up our hill day by day and day by day we're not pushing the envelope Nihil sub sole novum, sub sole novum, nihil nihil
12.
It's Going 02:56
Now I see the game Billions of people respond the same Now it all seems clear Billions of people respond in fear Now it all makes sense Billions of people in circumstance Now I see the truth Billions of people all go poof
13.
a hectic Monday morning no Sundays in this place you must exhibit uniqueness with a symmetrical face skin as tough as crushed velvet passwords for underground money clothes and genetics are more important than sound but I'm a bad posture bad posture bad posture imposter bad posture bad posture bad posture imposter bad posture the flock is wrapped up in leather the rebels break till they bend you must exhibit uniqueness and go along with this trend pastures already picked through sheep white as snow i was a cat in these clothings but now everyone knows I'm a bad posture bad posture bad posture imposter bad posture bad posture bad posture imposter bad posture
14.
I could write 5 more songs I could write 10 more songs I could write 15 more songs I could write 20 more songs I could write 5 more albums I could write 10 more albums I could write 15 more albums I should have wrote 20 more album (scream, repeat) what makes a life full? what makes a life empty? what makes a life full? what makes a life empty?

about

An album about the temporary nature of life, dealing with loss and the fear of mortality. A distinctly covid 19 album

credits

released June 5, 2020

All songs written and recorded by Jonathan Brokaw
album cover by Heather Haub
mixed and mastered by Duane Trower at Weights and Measures Soundlab

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All Blood Kansas City, Missouri

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